Category: Uncategorized

October is Pastors Appreciation Month. I’m not sure where we got that innovation from, but I suspect it is North America, for I have seen or heard no mention of it here in Africa.  Now I believe that everyone deserves to be appreciated for who they are and what they do.  But of course, we tend to put all that appreciation into nice neat little packages:  Mothers Day, Father’s Day, Children’s Day, Family Day, Secretaries Day, Nurses Day, and the list goes on and on.

Now the churches that observe Pastor’s Appreciation Day or Month, (and not all of them do) go about it different ways.  Sometimes there is a presentation during a worship service to the pastor and spouse, that may include flowers, comments by the chair of the official board, and maybe  a gift or a gift card or some such token.  I have heard about churches sending their pastor and spouse away on an exotic trip, possibly even the Holy Land, but I have never been the recipient of such a gift, nor would I feel comfortable receiving it.

However I wonder how many pastors sigh like many mothers on Mothers Day, and silently wish that some of these appreciative sentiments could be spread out through the year.  I’ve spoken to many mothers who say that the effusion of affection, the breakfast in bed, or the special flowers or gifts don’t mean a whole lot when you are taken for granted, or even forgotten the rest of the year.  How many lonely mothers receive no visits from their grown children throughout the year, and then get picked up from the nursing home on Mother’s Day to be taken to a sumptuous dinner that does more to soothe the conscience of the children than it does to bring joy to the mother. 

The same with pastors.  Showing appreciation should not be relegated to a particular Sunday or month. The cards (yes Christian bookstores have to make a living) are nice, and so are the gifts, but they are not absolutely necessary.

Something I have said to all of my congregations at one time or another is that the greatest honour and tribute that you can pay me is to walk in the ways of God, by putting into practice the things that you have heard me teach.  I don’t necessarily need the “lovely sermon Reverend” comment at the door, but I will accept anything that involves a simple ‘thank-you’ or ‘I appreciated what you said about  …. “.

Mind you, I’m not fishing for compliments.  I serve in a tradition (Baptist) where we have not only the freedom of the pulpit but the freedom of the pew.  In other words, it is your choice whether to accept or believe my message, and it is OK to disagree with me, and also to tell me so, or to engage me in discussion.  But there is a proper way to do that.  After the service at the church door is not the best time or place.  Why?  Because by the time I get there, I am tired. Preaching, whether you believe it or not is hard work.  The sudden increase and then loss of adrenalin makes you emotionally drained, and even vulnerable.  While I have always been willing to minister to peoples’ spiritual needs after  a service, and have been willing to stay as long as there are people wanting to see me, I never liked formal meetings after church in order to make difficult decisions.   And if you must speak to me about a disagreeable matter, then the best way is to make an appointment that suits us both so we can sit down and discuss whatever you have on your mind about my sermon or whatever issue you disagree with.  If you can’t come to my office, I will meet you at your home or wherever is convenient to you.  But sounding off on me at the door is unlikely to bring a good outcome for either of us.  I have been lambasted, even yelled at at the door for all kinds of things, that usually had nothing to do with my sermon.  Seriously.  A man once yelled at me because the air conditioning in the church was set too low for his comfort.  He was wearing shorts, and he shouted at me that he didn’t appreciate that the a/c was so cool that he couldn’t feel comfortable wearing shorts in his own church!

Appreciation that is genuine is welcome anytime, any month of the year, and yes pastors like anyone else are in need of it and usually respond favourably.  It doesn’t have to be elaborate or effusive either.  A genuine squeeze of the hand, a hug (if you go to a ‘hugging’ church), a short email sent after Sunday, can work wonders. 

And finally, remember this.  Pastors are human.  They have bad days like everyone else does.  You have no idea what he might be going through at the moment.  His work involves so much more than what you see and hear on Sunday morning.  So go ahead.  Express appreciation to your pastor. Do it any month of the year.  And don’t wait until his farewell Sunday.
Continue reading Pastors’ Appreciation Month

Over three decades ago, I buried the wife of my predecessor in the church that I was the pastor of at the time.  This woman was a larger than life personality, with a spirituality that few could aspire to.  When her cancer diagnosis became common knowledge in the congregation,  she said, “I refuse to live with cancer, I live with Jesus”.  Being a young pastor still figuring out a lot of things about life, I thought that was an amazing statement.  She repeated this so often that that it made a deep impression on people.  Of course I incorporated this statement into her memorial service, because I knew that she would want to be remembered that way.

However, when I received my own cancer diagnosis earlier this year, I knew that I could not say that.  Not because I don’t live with Jesus, for I do, but because I also knew that I would HAVE to live with cancer from now on.   Although at the moment I am deemed to be cancer-free, I was told by my doctors that “once you have cancer, you have cancer”.  It will almost certainly return at some time.  I need to be regularly monitored and checked.  It is a reality that is the new normal for me.

Everyone who has cancer, lives and deals with it differently.  In the case of the pastors’ wife that I referred to, the congregation was made privy to all of the details: the chemotherapy, the radiation, the loss of hair, and other side-effects:  we heard all of this and more during the weekly updates that her husband gave during prayer meeting.  As the end drew near, these updates became more and more difficult to hear as the church vicariously suffered with one of the pillars of the saints.

I was determined that this would not be my way of “living with cancer”.  I have always been a very private person, something that has been difficult while living in the fishbowl of ministry.   Just how “transparent” do we need to be?  Does everything that we live through and suffer through need to be on the plate of public consumption?  Even those in ministry are of different opinions on this.  One household-recognition televangelist began a blog about his cancer journey, where his innermost thoughts and experiences were there on the internet for all to consume. I do not criticize such expressions; all I am saying is that this not me. I have my own way, and I don’t expect everyone to agree or even understand that.

When word about my cancer got out, people that have not been in touch with me for many years, all of a sudden wanted to visit me.  Others, whom I knew but were not particularly close to wanted answers to questions like what kind of cancer?  How far a long is it? Did they get it all?  Will you need chemo?  Others asked diplomatically (or not so) how long I have left to live.

I answered some of those questions for some people.  But it was on a “need to know” basis.  Of course my family, and others very close to me do know the answers to most of those questions.  I told them because  of our relationship and the level of our closeness.
I also posted a message on FACEBOOK in which I mentioned some of the the platitudes, religious or otherwise  that I didn’t want to hear, especially from  folk who all too often think they know everything.

So why am I writing all this?  Because based on available statistics, every one of us either knows somebody who has or has had cancer,  or will be affected by cancer at some time in our life.  According to the Canadian Cancer Society,

• 206,200 new cancer diagnoses and 80,800 deaths from cancer occurred in Canada in 2017.
• Lung, colorectal, breast, and prostate cancer accounted for about half of all cancer diagnoses and deaths.
• About 1 in 2 Canadians will develop cancer in their lifetimes and 1 in 4 will die of the disease.
• 60% of Canadians diagnosed with cancer will survive at least 5 years after their diagnosis.

For you American friends, the American Cancer Society provides relevant data for the USA.

Due to medical advances made over the years, a cancer diagnosis is no longer automatically a death sentence.  However early detection is essential, and in that regard I consider myself very blessed and fortunate.  Mine was detected after a routine test, as I had no symptoms.  Often it is too late when symptoms appear.

How do you deal with people you know who have cancer?  For one thing, don’t write us off.  Treat us like normal human beings, and if you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.  For example, on the Sunday before I went into the hospital for surgery, someone after church with a tearful expression pointed upwards and said, “Isn’t it nice to know where we are going?”  (You can’t make this stuff up).  I didn’t know what to reply, so I didn’t.

Secondly and finally for today, respect peoples’ rights to privacy.  It is a difficult thing as a patient to process this type of information.  If somebody needs help doing so, they will let you know.   If you are particularly close to someone in this situation, then letting them know that you are available is the best thing you can do.